I have trust issues.
If you know me, that might sound surprising to you. I don’t have any of the telltale signs that people associate with trust issues. I’m not suspicious of people’s motives, and I’m pretty open about most things if I’m having a conversation with you.
As an Enneagram 7 (any other Enneagram fans out there?) I’m optimistic, I love to laugh, and I love to try new things. I’m future-oriented, move at a quick pace, and pick up new things easily. I also fundamentally don’t believe I’ll be taken care of, and so I rely on myself to get my needs met and to take care of the things that matter to me.
When I first read that about Enneagram 7s, I wasn’t sure it was true for me. But the longer I sat with it, I realized that I don’t let people into a support role easily. I can count on one hand the number of people I’ve actually let myself rely on in any meaningful sense. I don’t trust people to come through for me when it counts.
And then God revealed to me that I haven’t even fully let him into the role of caretaker.
Recently, I had a moment to myself (crazy, right??) and I was thinking about some circumstances in my life. I wasn’t even praying, though I’ve always invited God into my thought life. And out of the blue, I got this impression on my heart.
“You don’t trust me to meet your needs, so you’re grabbing at things that aren’t meant for you.”
See, I’m so quick to act on my ideas and dreams and desires, I haven’t been making room for God to lead and direct me. I’m running after things that God never planned for me to have. I’m placating a longing in my soul, numbing my pain rather than addressing it, by chasing after things I think will solve my problems rather than laying them down at the feet of God.
And do you know what that does? It robs me of the experience of God’s provision. It robs me of the testimony of his goodness. If I say that I believe in God and yet live fully in my own strength, relying on my own wisdom instead of the wisdom of God, how can I boast in anything but myself?
This is what the Lord says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord. That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” (Jeremiah 17:5-8)
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be the first example in that passage. The next verse goes on to say that the heart is deceitful above all things. Why would I trust in something deceitful?
I wish I could tell you that after that revelation, I’m 100% trusting God at all times and my life is so amazing I’m plastering it all over Instagram with #blessed.
I can’t. I’m still failing at this at least as often as I succeed. It’s not easy to take something that’s been your way of functioning your whole life and suddenly turn it on its head. But I keep taking steps. Sometimes the steps seem small, but I know that small steps make way for bigger steps. Each step is a little bit easier than the last. God’s not done with me yet– I’ll hang my hat on that promise as long as I live. And he’s not done with you either, friend.
- In what areas of your life do you find yourself trusting in your own strength instead of trusting God to take care of you?
- Are there things in your life you’re chasing after that God never intended for you? What would it look like for you to surrender those dreams and aspirations and seek God’s will for you instead?
Amber Krueger is a wife to her husband, Steve, and mom to her two children, Ethan and Stella. She grew up as a missionary kid in the Philippines and has a degree in literature from Bethel University. She writes about food and creative endeavors at By Amber’s Hands and Keto Cake Walk.