Lately, it seems like several people around me are moving forward with their seemingly picture perfect lives while I feel somewhat…stagnant. My husband, Josh, and I have been trying to conceive for three years, which feels like forever when you typically get what you want…and without much waiting (like, a purple lava lamp in 1996, a red Pontiac Grand Am in 2001, bangs in 2017!)
We “pulled the goalie” in April 2018 on a romantic getaway to Bora Bora (hello, tiki huts over a blue lagoon?!) and threw our hands in the air knowing God was in control of our family. Around that time I wrote in my journal, “God, we want to be 100% on board with what you have for our path in getting pregnant.” Fast forward to now, and after countless tears and oh-so-many appointments, that 2018 journal entry has become much more difficult to accept as “our story”.
Yet, through the trials, we know more than ever that God is sovereign, that he is weaving a larger tapestry than we see, and that he speaks – often through others – so that we may experience his peace and hope as we wait in his perfect timing.
A year after our trip to Bora Bora, my bronzed tan long faded and replaced with the cold reality of infertility, I found myself at church one Sunday when something incredible happened.
I had been feeling discouraged that week, wondering whether we should see a doctor for tests, drugs, or advice, when I saw Tim Ellingson at the door of our church auditorium.
“Keri!” he said, “I’ve been looking for you! Could we chat?” I’ve known Tim through the years at Substance yet we’ve rarely had more than an email or a 10-minute conversation here or there.
“Of course, Tim!” I responded. So we sat down and he said that the Lord had spoken to him recently.
He was awake from midnight until 5am praying for me and Josh and our future baby. (He hadn’t even known that we’d been trying for a year to get pregnant!) He went on to say that God showed him four things to encourage us:
- He saw me pregnant.
- He saw me holding a baby girl.
- He saw her baby dedication service at Substance.
- And he saw her name – Ivy Rose.
Immediately, tears streamed down my face. My thoughts were rapid: God you are so good! Our bodies will be able to conceive! I will carry our baby! Thank you Jesus. You know me better than anyone else. Thank you for speaking to me through Tim!
Then it hit me. “Tim, how did you know that Josh and I love the name Ivy?” Of course he didn’t know this. God was just showing off! And his faithfulness was on full display that day.
That word from Tim carried us through some deep lows over the next few months, especially when my faith started to slip away. Crazy thoughts would creep into my head — thoughts that I was broken; that Josh and I did something wrong to deserve this delay; that God was waiting for me to fill-in-the-blank before blessing us with a baby.
Then one morning in August I prayed that he’d give me another word to boost my faith and remind me that he’s working out everything for me and Josh. After all, I know God hears our prayers (Psalm 116:1-2) and he knows my innermost thoughts (Psalm 139), but feeling encouraged by a fellow believer is so helpful when you’re struggling to carry out those truths in the everyday!
Only three days later, a friend of ours shared that God had prompted him to tell us that similar to how I like to beautify documents by bolding words and color coding things (because you guys, this makes me SO happy!), God is also beautifying the “Momma Keri document” he is writing. So cool, right?!
Then a few months after that, God encouraged us again with a sweet teen girl who shared that God told her we would be pregnant near the end of 2020. We did, in fact, get pregnant in October of that year…for 48 hours. This might not seem like much, but it was the first time we had EVER seen a positive pregnancy test! We were beyond thankful to know God would give us such hope-filled words at just the right moments.
I’m not saying that each day these past three years has been full of happiness and Instagram-worthy pictures, yet God’s goodness has been so evident that it has bolstered our faith. After all, you can’t be a victim and a victor at the same time. God doesn’t want that for us! And I believe he has used our community of believers to help us fight our battle by literally holding our arms up so the war of infertility will be won!
Thank you, Lord, for always being faithful, loving, and caring. May more people come into a deeper relationship with you from our story of your goodness. ❤️
Keri Bloyer is a wife, an executive assistant, a cat-mom, and a lover-of-life. She met her husband, Josh, at Substance Church in 2011 and they married in 2015. She’s been on staff at Substance since 2013 and pinches herself daily that she gets to work as an admin for Pastors Peter and Carolyn Haas. In her spare time, she enjoys spending time with Jesus and his people, traveling with her husband, and rearranging her living room.